Wednesday, 16 September 2015

From treading on eggshells to walking with grace

I am writing this article for all the women on the planet.

I am writing this aritcle for those who have escaped domestic violence , for those trying to escape.

I am writing this to warn women so they never have to try to escape. 

This needs to be shared so those who judge without understanding might now understand .

There is so much shame , blaming , guilt , asking herself why she stayed- why did she put up with it , how did she fall in love with that ? Even if the love didn't stay long - why did she think so little of herself to think it was ok to be treated like that? You can ask all those question she asked herself. The reponse buzz phrase these days - "it's complicated" - yeah it is , deeply complicated.

Some where on her journey in life somebody made her feel second rate. Was it another family member, society and ex boyfriend/girlfriend? The cliche - the damage is done now. Yes it is and she will live with the memories for the rest of her life....


Have you had to hide behind a tree in the middle of the night?
While your baby sleeps inside not knowing you're trying to save your lives.
Have you had to live each day by day wondering how you'll get away?
Looking at your children in the eye thinking how can we survive?

Wondering how you gonna make it with no money with no home
But deep down you no for all's sake you gotta go gotta go
The world stops around you all you can hear is your heart
Thumping madly , brain is churning in the dark, it's so dark

Please don't touch me , pretend you love me
just leave me alone.
Once again you drug me
When I wake up you've had your turn.

She got away , everyday she survives. Everyday she is amazing raising her children , still carrying those memories. She got away, it took planning but even with 5 children she did it. If you are reading this and thinking you cannot get away YOU CAN . You have to plan , you have to think a little ahead.


In the middle of the night she holds her baby tight ,
In the middle of the night she prays she'll see out the night.
Yelling , cursing pacing back and forth like a madman.
Threatening waving the didgeridoo over them.

She holds her breath praying , praying it will be over soon,
Praying she and baby will see another moon.
What happens if she moves, one false move it could be over.
What happens if she moves , one false move baby could be without her.
Still feeding from her breast , she feels the chills of regret.

With all her love she feels the guilt of bringing baby here.
Suffering this anger , loathing and despair.
Watching everytime with anguish and crying
As  mother takes a beating one more time one more time.

She got away , she survives everyday. Trying to push the memories away , knowing she will never let anyone treat her that way . EVER AGAIN.

It all started out like a good fun fling thing. Flirting , great conversations, fabulous sex, lots of laughs and generally good feeling times. Women love to feel sexy, loved , a little lusty and made to laugh right? Especially if we have low self esteem - and unfortunately most women do. It is our instinct to want to nuture and make some one feel good- even if this means putting ourselves second. We so often mistake these feelings for falling in love.

 The fling thing turns a little more serious , words like "i love you" start getting thrown around.  Months have passed by and it all still seems great, even if signs are there , our desire to be loved and the use of sex as a means of control are starting to blot out the little warning signs that this person might not really be the right one.

Then it happens,  that time that you never think it could happen to you. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you would or could let it happen to you. BANG in the side of the head , out of left field with no warning. Just like in the cartoons you see stars/ white flash and your head is spinning. WTF ? did that just really happen? Raining down on top of that is a storm of verbal abuse, you want to duck run hide but there is no escape. The next day tears and denial "i was drunk" "I don't remember" "i've never hit a person before" DO NOT BELIEVE OR ACCEPT THESE LIES.


Who's that screaming at my windows, screaming at my door?
I thought I had a sanctuary , no not anymore
I let you in I trusted you for the last time,
You'd be in jail now if hating me was a crime.

You lost control you couldn't handle what you said you did
You changed my life forever and I'm left raising you kids
Alone , ashamed and still you blame , like it's all up to me
But never have you stopped and still you take away my sanctuary

I'm learning everyday
And now I see through you
I'm learning everyday
I realize we do not need you

A better life
The best life
Is what I want for us
You wont be there, for the last time you broke our trust.

This week in my counrty I have witnessed in the media women die at the hands of their partner or ex partner. This year this seems to have sky rocketted,  the ones we actually know about.

For many who escape , it is a never ending journey. Fortnighty they regain their strength and drop the children off for teh court access visit, often feeling the danger and all the emotions of having to see that person.

My strongest advice , if you can,  never disclose your new address , meet somewhere neutral you will sleep better knowing they do not know where you are. 

This is not exculsive to hetrosexual relationships. I am passionate about women finding self love, 
any form of abuse - is just that ABUSE. Survivors need love and support , not judgement and intolerance. Survivors are AMAZING people , do not turn away and leave them.

Survivors are goddess too, they have forgotton . 

To all the survivors , to all the people in an abusive relationship I hope you find your IAGBAM soon I hope you get out soon , love yourself and be loved in a way that honours you spirit . To all the young girls out there , read the articles/information below and learn the signs of a shadow man/woman so that you may never enter into a relationship like the ones above. 

This is the century that this has to stop - enough is enough

I have included some great article's about relationships by kelly marceau;

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